Scarred but Smarter

I gave notice a few weeks ago that my posts would be more mental than physical – you could say you were “…warned you before you went out there…”.

This was the first Christmas in my entire life that my brother and sisters and I weren’t together, in some combination; the second without our mother. Funny how the glue melts.

I think it was weird, in different ways, for all of us.
I guess the weird was the tie that binds this year.

Dr Nik scheduled a PET scan for today, but wasn’t sure whether insurance would approve it this soon. We were trying to take advantage of having met the deductible for this year. Learned at my appointment that it wasn’t approved (note to self – clear old voicemails), but a CT scan was. So I drank vanilla flavored Barium and had an injection of some other radioactive material and a quick scan to see if the cancer has spread to my colon, liver, kidney, etc. I’ll hear results at my next treatment on January 8.

There’s no reason to think my cancer has spread, and I’m glad for my doctor doing what we can given the parameters set by insurance, but I’ve spent the day in a weird haze knowing that checking to see where/what/how is my new reality.

You don’t cure cancer, you treat it. That’s a cold hard fact. And a sobering thought.

I hope you all are having a happy holiday of your choosing, and, may I suggest something along those lines as your greeting when reuniting with friends after holiday break. You’d be surprised at the difference between a positive statement and a rote question.

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind (and positive).

P.S. I downloaded all of these podcasts and have listened to quite a few. It’s amazing that podcasts exposing wrongful (or at least suspect) convictions are becoming a cottage industry. Time for a change.

4 thoughts on “Scarred but Smarter

  1. Stephanie says:

    Stay tough Tony!!! Sorry you weren’t with your siblings this Christmas. I’m glad you have a doctor you trust. Sure wish insurance didn’t determine so much. You deserve the beat treatment. Happy New Year. I’m counting on it being your beat ever!

    1. Tony says:

      This was a very strange post to write. It wasn’t meant to come across as sad; just recognizing/thinking about changing realities. Life happens and nothing’s permanent. Having a CT scan to see if/where my cancer may have spread was a significant reminder.

      I always knew my mother was a force and she instilled that force in her children – it was interesting (yet weird) to see how her absence affected all of us 14 months later. I wouldn’t trade my family for all the tea in China – as Big Jane said frequently – “at least we all like each other”. She understated the case.

  2. Carol Myers says:

    Thanks, Tony, for update. We both continue in our transitions….and keeping fingers crossed that you results are back and have showed all steady and healthy. Big 2019 hug.

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